It is very common to be dating someone while dating others…and that “someone” starts acting very possessive or jealous…they can begin to have a problem dealing with the fact that you are dating others….and this can happen after only 1 date!
Now, remember, we are talking about you dating and keeping your possibilities open…we’re not talking about when you are in a committed, exclusive relationship!
The possessive date usually begins showing their feelings this way…First the questions begin. You took Sue out to dinner on Friday and she asks, “So, what are you doing tomorrow night?”….You have a date with Linda, so you simply say, “Oh, I have plans to go out with a friend”….and then Sue continues on….”Oh, which friend?”, “A female friend?”, “Is it a date or a friend?”, “Where are you going with your ‘friend’?” and so on.
While you don’t want to hurt Sue’s feelings, you’ve only gone out on 2 dates and you single….you’re not seeing each other exclusively….and you have every right to see Linda on Saturday. So what’s going on? One thing you should know is that it’s not you. Your date “Sue” is most likely feeling a mixture of insecurity and she’s really liking you and doesn’t want anyone else to impress you more than she has. Yes, it’s only been a couple of dates, but she doesn’t want to lose you.
And this can happen for both men and women…. Either gender can become possessive when you’re not even in a relationship with them! You can handle it a couple of ways. If you think that you really like this person and you do want to see how things go down the road, you can simply tell them the truth….And it goes something like this….”Sue, we’ve only been on a couple of dates and are only in the very beginning phase of getting to know each other….while I like you and I do want to see if things can work out with you and I…I think that 2 (or 3 or 4) dates is way too early to decide if we are going to see each other exclusively….It makes me uncomfortable to be grilled about what I’m doing when we are not together….If you don’t want to date anymore because I’m casually dating others, I’ll understand…but if you want to keep getting to know each other, why don’t we let some time go by before we decide if we are ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend”
Okay, now if you a female, just replace “Sue” with your date’s name. Now, you’re all set. There is nothing else that need be said….and you were honest and clear…and now the ball is in their court.
If after this talk, your date is still showing signs of being possessive…and this can be 5 phone calls a day, phone calls when they know that you are out with others, coming by your house without warning to “catch” you…and so on….You would be wise to run like heck, since you’re just seeing a glimpse of what would come to be in the future.
Be sure to check out Alisa’s Home Page on the Examiner for TONS of dating advice… AND if YOU have any dating or relationship questions, Alisa offers detailed one-on-one personal dating advice (all names are kept anonymous). http://www.examiner.com/x-18468-Boston-Dating-Examiner