We’ve all been there, right? We’ve all experienced the pain of losing that special person we had chosen to share our lives with, and it sucks! Heartbreak, betrayal, divorce and how to move on after heartbreak. At the risk of sounding dramatic, heartbreak is a form of grief; we go through the same process because we have to deconstruct, we have to learn how to live without a person that we had made an integral part of our lives. The process is very painful because it’s very complex and even violent, so much so that some people don’t manage to pull themselves back together. That’s why it’s important to learn how to deal with loss and heartbreak, because we’re at risk of losing ourselves in what can be a deeply dislocating moment. The choices we make on how to understand the situation and go through it are essential; after all, it’s a process of change, so we have to do everything in our power to make it as constructive as it can be. Everything is a learning experience, and it’s all within our power to handle.
There are no immediate ways to go through the process, and there are no quick fixes to dealing with strong emotions. The only way is to feel them, give them context and push forward; it will not last forever even if it may seem like it will at the moment. We can get through it and we can come out revitalized on the other end rather than crushed. It’s within our grasp to make it so.
Pain flows through us and we have to allow it to do so, we can’t deny it or ignore it because that’s only problematic and it makes things so much more difficult for us. Take it one day at the time; in those moments it may be overwhelming to think about the future, everything is up in the air, everything feels uncertain and alien. So just take it one day, one moment, and one minute at the time. Let your emotions go through you but don’t get stuck in them; you still have to live your life and do the things you have to do. You’ll find that focusing on what remains can be helpful because after all, your whole life wasn’t your relationship with this person, so make sure to remind yourself of that.
Don’t forget that you have other people in your life who are important, who love you and are there for you when you need them. Reach out! Don’t isolate yourself in your situation. It’s cathartic to vent, to talk and to hash everything out, so remember that there are people in your life who will listen to you. Heartbreak is not a time to push people away, there’s no shame in needing a shoulder to cry on.
Now, perhaps what’s most useful in this type of situations is to channel the explosion of energy and feelings that comes with it; find a way to do that! It can be through writing, dancing, playing music, exercising or any other hobby you find joy in. These things will help you get everything out there and turn it into something you can feel good about; a creation of your own making.
Love yourself through the difficult times, and you’ll be all right. When something ends, you have a chance to grow and to learn, you have a chance at new opportunities because they will come; something new will come, something else will begin. The end of a relationship is not the end of you or your love life!
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