by Sarah Mirk
Is This Sex Dirty?
Every couple has one thing that they seem to fight (or at least disagree) about over and over again. For some, couples, the big struggle is how to raise the children, how to spend their money or how much time they should spend together. One of the biggest problems that couples experience is with sex or intimacy.
The way most people think, men only think about sex. I’m sure you’ve heard the bogus statistic that the average man thinks about sex every ten seconds, and these types of things that get passed on just seem to set the stereotype in. On the other hand, it often is said that women want to talk about love and intimacy, but could live without sex. This stereotype is reinforced by soap operas and romance novels which are marketed at women, and have a whole lot of romance, but usually aren’t filled with a bunch of sex.
But when the bedroom doors close or people aren’t looking, you’ll find that these stereotypes are shattered. There are so many men that want to talk about their feelings and intimacy, while women just want passionate sex or even sex with no strings attached. Repeating stereotypes is not what we want to do here, because for every example you give, you can definitely find ten people who break the mold.
Let’s forget about stereotypes and work to help out our relationship instead. You don’t have to be an expert in marriage or sex to understand enough to help your relationship.
What are Sex and Intimacy?
Maybe we need to define intimacy and sex before we go any further. What is sex and what it intimacy? Some people say that sex and intimacy aren’t the same, that they have the different definitions; other might say that they are the same. If you would ask your partner this question would they answer it the same way as you would? Is kissing defined as sex, intimacy or other? What about talking dirty to each other, masturbation and having sex?
If you’ve know what your marriage blueprint is, you may realize that this affects your feelings on the subject more than whether you are a man or woman. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man, if you are a ‘wild thing’, you want your sexual freedom, and sex and intimacy could be described as one. You love getting naked, and don’t want any rules or talking with your partner.
If both partners in the relationship are wild things, the relationship will go smoothly as far as sex and intimacy go. But what happens if you and your partner have different ideas on what sex and intimacy involve. Can a relationship between a carefree wild thing and a pilgrim (who are often guided by their religious beliefs) work?
How does your religion shape your beliefs on sex, passion and romance? If you grew up thinking that sex was dirty or something that should only be done to create children, you probably can find beliefs of that in your relationships today. If, while growing up, you rebelled against that belief, you could be someone who is very open sexually. But if you just let that belief sink in, you may still be a bit more conservative when it comes to sex.
Should you change the way that you think to please your partner? Look at this example of a couple, and tell me what you think:
Mike wants his wife, Andrea to try to have anal sex with him. Andrea doesn’t like the idea, because she thinks that it is dirty and humiliating. She also adds that there aren’t any reasons to do it, and that it wouldn’t add anything to the relationship. What do you think? Can this add intimacy to their relationship, or will Mike harm his relationship by trying to change it.
What should couples do if they are disagreeing with their partner with their level of sex or intimacy? If one person wants to bring in an additional person for one wild night once in a while and the other is totally adamant about it, what can you do?