by Ed Yourdon
The 3 Types Of Relationships In Your Twenties
I don’t know if, as you age, there are more or less types of relationships. But, in my mid-twenties, I’ve only encountered three distinct types of relationships. There is a bit of overlap between them, and there are sub-types of the types, but all in all, I haven’t encountered a relationship that looks drastically different from one of these:
Friends with benefits.
But I use the term “friends” genuinely. Most people throw this term around as two people who just meet up explicitly for the purpose of sex. I mean it in the sense that, you have a friend—an actual friend—who runs in the same social group as yourself, that you sleep with. You see each other at least once a week in group gatherings like at bars or dinner parties. And, whenever the two of you happen to be at the same thing, you usually go home together. You are social with each other when you are out. You genuinely enjoy talking to each other and hanging out. But, you don’t necessarily go on dates or spend social time alone. The only time you’re really alone is in the bedroom. It is understood that neither one of you is probably dating anyone else seriously. This type of relationship is great for two people who are extremely busy and, want occasional affection, sex, and the excitement of having someone attracted to them, but don’t have time for a full-blown relationship. I’m actually in one of these right now. We go in a group to a karaoke bar each week where we all show off our singing techniques (I’m being sarcastic. None of us actually aspire to become a singer) and then at the end of the night, it’s understood that myself and a certain young man are going home together.
The practically-married couple.
I’m not quite sure how they do it, but there are some couples who are always around one another. They spend the night together every night. They drop one another off at work and pick one another up. They are together every single moment except for the ones when they absolutely cannot be. They adopt a dog together. They don’t make any plans without the other and if they do, they make sure the other is busy that night so that they aren’t (god forbid!) missing out on time together. You can basically never get one of them alone.
The booty call.
This is what many people mistakenly call the “friends with benefits” relationship. But in a true booty call relationship, you do not socialize with the person at all. You have separate friends. You go out with yours, they go out with theirs, and you know that on any given night—late at night, of course—you might get a text asking “want to come over?” But this is always at the end of the night. It isn’t early on in the night when there might still be some possibility of socializing. Or the awkward question of “so…should we get dinner?” or “I’m going out with friends, want to come?” It is to be understood that, you’re not friends. You’re not dating. You’re sleeping together.